I'm kinda over it!

Okay...so this has been about two years in the making. It all started just after Halloween in 2005. I had purchased these fabulous, patent leather, thigh-high boots to go with my Halloween costume. So I had a nice red patent leather corset/girdle, these huge red wings, and the great boots: all pulled together with some terrible make-up and fishnets. For those of you who saw the pictures, count yourselves among the lucky cuz I don't plan on sharing them again. Well, several weeks later after spending the night at Corbett's (we hadn't started living in sin yet) I came out to discover my back window broken out. I looked around the car and was kinda disappointed...NOTHING was missing. It wasn't until a few days later when I thought to myself - Self, since your car is getting broken into, you should probably take all your stuff out of it. That's when I realized that my boots, fishnets, and makeup had been stolen. WHY oh WHY didn't they take the corset and red wings as well I will never know. It's like...way to keep the piercing pin 1 millimeter from my pulsing, bloated heart! When you actually have to remove the corset from the paper bag that contains the boots, fishnets, and makeup is when I realize that I don't understand the theif's mentality. It's like the beggar on the street that I hand a dollar bill to and he asks for a 5! And for that matter....WHO wears a size 13 thigh-high platform boot? I mean I guess they could sell it to a sketchy tranny in the Tenderloin but damnit...it just didn't make any sense. So I learned my lesson. Don't leave ANYthing valuable in your car and don't lock your doors unless of course you want ANOTHER window broken out which usually costs around $100 - $250 depending on which one is broken.

Flash forward about a year. Corbett goes out to his car one morning to find that HIS window had been broken out as well. This time the culprit stole his car's User's Manual, his iPod, and iPod car charger. At least SOME these stolen items make some sense in my mind. Yet why steal a User's Manual unless you're gonna sell it on eBay or something. So now Corbett has learned his lesson as well. Don't leave anything valuable in your car and just leave your doors unlocked. If someone wants to steal the car then FINE...at least we would save about $100/month in parking tickets and insurance would give us a little check.

Flash forward to about two weeks ago. Now I have come to expect people rummaging through my car...it's unlocked, but again, there is nothing in there of value. Hell, even the car radio "tuned out" about two years ago...take the damn thing...less weight in the car, better gas mileage - I'm fine with it. Well, I noticed that everything had been rearranged by someone during the night...they must have perused my yearbook because it was sitting on the driver's seat. And come to think of it...why didn't they at least have a sense of humor about it. Ya know, they could have at least written me a nice little note in there - "Hey it was awesome getting to know you and ripping you off this year. Keep in touch! Best friends forever!"

So yeah. I was off to the DMV to retake my motorcycle license test (a whole EXTRA drama unto itself) when I noticed that my precious dash ornament had been stolen. They say that many Native American adolescents are sent off on their own to find their spirit animal, their totem. I was fortunate enough never have to endure a vision quest (at least one that didn't include Madonna and Matthew Modine) as Sanrio had quite happily provided me with my own totem: Badtz-Maru...for those of you who don't know who this is, PLEASE take a moment to educate yourself. So I guess I didn't take my own advice and remove everything that was valuable to me. Who knows what on earth this person is doing with my cute little ceramic bobble-headed Badtz Maru.

Okay...now all you have to do is flash back to this morning, and then that's it for flashing on this little rant. I was sitting at the train station, waiting for the train when I get a phone call from Corbett. Apparently, his own departure for work was delayed because there was a fat woman asleep in the passenger seat of his car. He even had to wait a couple minutes for her to get her wits (and I say that idiomatically because I do not credit her with any wit whatsoever) about her.

So I beseech the world?! What am I to do? I already pay an average of $100/month in parking tickets because I am always forgetting to move my car for the street cleaners. I am convinced that the great and glorious state of California in all of its duty to pioneer the way to a greener future is actually hiring people to go through the city and make car ownership absolutely unbearable. Parking is next to impossible in nearly every neighborhood, gas is always more expensive here, there are parking meter officials (I say that with absolutely zero respect) working around the clock, they've hired the homeless to break into our cars or just sleep in them. So I guess I should just sell my car, right? I mean people would break in your car in Georgia but at least they would sleep in the park. Come on assholes...a homeless person can't even freeze to death here in San Francisco...get a fucking box, slip on my fishnets and boots, burn the pages of my senior yearbook and keep your grimy ass out of my car. I fucking hope you get bed bugs!