Ah Manhunt, how do I love thee?

I have never used Manhunt for its intended purpose. Okay...that's not entirely true. I hooked up with some guy more years ago then I care to remember. He had a crooked penis, but he had mastered how to deal with it and consequently modified his angle of attack. It was quite an interesting experience as his approach was distinctly 45 degrees rather than the typical perpendicular path. It was novel but not entirely enjoyable. The fact that I don't remember his name puts him in a class comprised of two nameless faces. Come to think of it, the other guy was my one and only gay.com hookup. Hmmm, apparently I use these services for their intended purpose, realize how uninspiring the random hookup is, and then set about to finding a more interesting use of the system.

Whew!!! I say all that to say that I LOVE Manhunt, but not for reasons that you may be thinking ;) It's a great way for a pussy little voyeur like me to get a peek into an otherwise pretty uncomfortable world. It's like this amazingly pristine bath house where you feel like you can get a great idea of what is going on but you never have to see it...let alone smell (ew) or hear (ugh) it. Okay...so voyeurism aside there are plenty of reasons to keep me occupied for hours and hours. Obviously this is not some clandestine little secret that I keep from everyone...no this is NOTHING to be ashamed of. My boyfriend knows every little detail...right down to my profile and pictures.

So...Manhunt is the first place that I discovered the effects of the disease that is sweeping across queerdom faster than a Drag Queen to a M-A-C store opening (okay...so I am not very good at those...it was worth a try). Namely, Cranial Cropping Syndrome...which is a symptom of the more serious I Don't Own A Digital Camera So I Use My Bathroom Mirror And My Camera Phone (And Even If I Did Own A Digital Camera I Certainly Don't Know How To Use Photoshop So I Will Settle For Microsoft Paint). In other words, where are the heads? Where in the hell did all the heads and faces go? I mean an ass and cock shot are ALL fine and good...it is after all a hookup site, but am I wrong in thinking that a face is kinda important? I mean if the requisite for sex in this day and age is a cock and ass...well then, there should be more people coming over to the dark side...namely those fat fucks that are left on their couches to be rescued by Jerry Springer, one show at a time...they could just be getting laid all this time and burning off some of that excess energy...instead of stuffing Twinkies in their mouths they could just be sucking twinks off. Even though the abovementioned disease is quite a mouthful what it boils down to is a whole shit ton of cock and ass pictures. So in response to this I only have head shots in my profile...only heads and necks. I love my profiles though...this brings me to my next love...whether people say they do or they don't PEOPLE READ PROFILES...intently and with judgment!

Example of Josh Profile #1: In an unfortunate freak of nature accident, I had to have my body amputated. I am left with a head, a neck, and parts of an arm that have been attached to said neck in order to use the JOYstick on my wheelchair and the keys on the computer. In a sense, I have evolved to a higher level of humanity...in the future, we will all communicate through computers and will no longer require direct contact. In the meantime, I am looking to join forces with one of you headless bodies so we can get laid and so my chewed food goes somewhere.

Example of Josh Profile #2: I am not a super model. I am not even a model. I do not have an eight inch dick. I am not even sure if it's six. I do not wear Abercrombie...I think its from Old Navy. I do not drive a BMW. I do not own a house. Please do your duty and ignore me completely.

Example of Josh Profile #3: Don't blame me. I voted for Bush

That last one I used for the week following the results of the 2004 election...I made a BUNCH of friends after that. The truth is though...people read these and respond to them...all of the ones except for when I started mentioning that I had a boyfriend...suddenly that fact was overlooked even though it was plainly written in the profile.

The great thing is that there are always people signing in so you can actually change your profile midsession and have a whole new set of messages to deal with. And for a hookup site that is supposed to be ALL about sex there is a HUGE amount of emotion and feelings brewing there. I have actually had huge diatribes launched at me merely because I did not respond to a message that was sent to me within an appropriate time period. I was called a whole host of names simply because of my silence. I didn't realize that I owed every single person on that site so much respect. I was under the impression that feelings and thoughts were left at the login screen along with our brains and out heads...I certainly left my heart at the login screen with my boyfriend and my body (only headshots for me). It's a hookup site...and just because your profile says---

"I'm NOT here to hookup just meet cool guys and hang out, but if something happens...well that's fine too."

--doesn't make it any less true. It's not what your profile says afterall...it's how you chose to live...so I list all of the lewd and disgusting things I want in my profile and if I never answer a single message then it is NOT a hookup site for me.

So like all things...it's full of people and consequently full of contradictions and hypocrisy. I just like to go in there and have a little fun. I never do anything that is directly mean to one particular person...if someone doesn't get the joke I let them know that I am only kidding. I tell them that it is just to get attention and that I really want to get pounded into the ground and go rooting for truffles like the dirty pig bottom that I am...usually that cheers them up and they are able to properly label me. Josh: Completely uncomfortable with being a dirty, pig bottom and acts out by posting STUPID profiles.

Manhunt provides hours of entertainment and at the small price of $10 for 30 days...how can I resist...once a year. That time of year just happened to begin last night. Why? Because I was bored. And ya know what...I have met some dear friends from gay.com and Manhunt and in the end THAT is why I love Manhunt!