Anne, sweet Anne!

Okay, now I realize that choosing Anne Coulter as my first real attempt at this is hardly ingratiating myself to my brand new audience. But I think it's important to note that I am not here to make people smile or agree with me. I have enormous respect for this woman and that is what I want to write about here.

First, I can just see it...a young girl at age ten who's hormones are just getting the message that things are in for a little shake up...little hormonal hints here and there readying the body for its changes and flourishes into womanhood. Well, that's the TYPICAL girl. I imagine that Anne's body behaved slightly differently. I think that the first wave of dissent came from the hips, the poor hips who heretofore had been a little narrow runway for escaping urine...now they had to make way for the IDEA of a child. I can just see the hips, ranting and raving on a street corner, hollering about the abduction of the girl and her replacement with this strange imposter WOMAN! It didn't take long before the ovaries too decided to join in the fight. In fact, in a move to more closely align themselves with the hips' struggle, the ovaries brazenly decided to up and relocate. They very quickly snipped their little tubes, migrated down the abdomen, and found themselves a new home in the labia majora so they could more closely dictate what goes in and what comes out. In short, our little girl now has a nice pair of balls! What does she need with body fat, babies, and hips? She's got balls, brains, and blonde hair!

Now we all know that reckless abandon is only attractive if we're still nineteen and sheltered in our Christian homes. Being unbridled and insane quickly loses its allure as we get older. However, that ballsy confidence, if tempered with intelligence, can be quite the thing to get the test tubes clinking. Let me just say that Anne's got my laboratory in a kerfluffle for sure. This woman's got balls, but she's also got an intelligence. She is exceedingly smart, overwhelmingly calculating, and incredibly tenacious. She has created this persona that we have all come to know from which she will not deviate. I have never seen anyone visibly reach her...through all the insults and the pies being thrown, no one has ever visibly shaken Anne Coulter. She is a rock. She has made a career not from her insightful points but rather through the extraordinary examples she uses to make her points. Instead of simply decrying the use of victims as a means to shield the perpetrators from rebuke, she simply attacks four women who are acting in this way. She does not attack their tactics, she attacks the women themselves...thus creating a nice divide. On one hand, she is able to make her point and whether valid or not, it will not even have a chance of discussion because her support of this point is so inflammatory that people are compelled to respond. Ms. Coulter claimed that Bill Clinton obviously had latent homosexual tendencies based solely on his indiscriminate and frequent sexual encounters. Her point being that only homosexual men are indiscriminately promiscuous...now that is a point I would like to discuss, instead the ONLY thing people can respond to is calling the President a fag. It's brilliant!

Let's just be honest here: It's fucking hard to be a woman in this world...whether you're in America or Africa, it's just hard. Anne Coulter is being a woman in a man's world and she is getting book deals, getting air time, and making some serious cash. Kind of reminds me of another often blonde that most of my faggy brethren would deem a goddess, some might even go so far as to take a bullet for her (I wish they would). Yes, I am talking about Madonna, who made it her mid nineties mission to prove that a woman could be simultaneously sexually provocative and intelligent. Madonna chose to make her point by making a sex book in which she cavorts with the likes of Naomi Campbell and Isabella Rosellini. Anne chooses to make her point by publicly calling President Clinton a latent homosexual while flipping her hair and adjusting her bra strap that has just mysteriously found its way out from behind that tiny black cocktail dress. Yes, Anne Coulter is making all of these men drool over her as she backhands 9-11 widows and Darwinism.

Anne makes a point and then quickly throws up a shield of controversy so that people never get around to debating her thoughts and feelings, but merely argue her tactics. She is so devious that no one can get a hold of her. The liberals which she so vehemently opposes don't even have a chance of finding someone equally effective and provocative to purvey the left's agenda. Anne's got more balls, more brains, and more beauty than anyone that you find in the media these days...she's got the market cornered, she's making money doing it, and no one can seem to pin her down long enough to hold her accountable for any of it. THAT is why I respect this woman because she figured out the game and now she is using it to her advantage. Please don't think that I ignore the fact that she is an extreme conservative with many views that directly oppose mine. I may disagree with everything she says, but I can still respect her. The problem with most people that respond to Anne is that they fall into playground antics where they start name calling when in fact they're simply afraid to deal with her. Human beings are imperfect and hypocritical...but it is that and the acceptance of that that even makes us capable of loving one another. Only those that are in denial of this simple fact are the ones that have no tolerance for one another.

So all I am saying is if any of you bleeding hearts have any wish-upon-the-stars left, that you wish for a liberal Anne Coulter...otherwise just keep wishing for a brain.